Calvary Bible Church - Pastor Ken’s Weblog

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Passage for today: Galatians 5:13 – 6:10

 “You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. 

The Marriage Valentine

I have to confess, I have an ulterior motive for our topic this morning.  I wanted to give the Guys a “Heads-up” that Valentines Day is this Thursday, and guys, whether you think it’s nothing but a “Hall-Mark” Holiday or not, you need to take this opportunity to demonstrate to the woman you love that you do in fact love her, and you need to do it in a tangible way.  It need not be expensive or “over-the-top”, unless you are already in trouble, but you need to step up and do something.  It may not seem like a big deal to you, but I can guarantee that she will find value in you putting the thought into and taking the time to do it.  It’s much easier for me to make a point of reminding you now than to schedule a counseling session with the two of you later because you blew it off.  J   You’ve been warned Guys, now it’s up to you!

I want to begin this morning with the following slightly modified excerpt from “Men are from Mars…” titled: Marriage License: A Learner’s Permit:

“It’s a wise groom who has to be dragged to the altar.  He knows what love is.  It’s death.  If lovers don’t know this, they are headed for trouble.  Never will you have your way again.  You can’t be happy if this other person isn’t.  No matter who wins the argument, you lose.  Always.  The sooner you learn this, the better off you will be.

Love is an exercise in frustration.  You leave the window up when you want it down.  You watch someone else’s favorite TV program.  You kiss when you have a headache.  You turn the music down when you like it loud.  You learn to be patient, without sighing or sulking.

Love is doing things for the other person.  In marriage two become one, but the one isn’t you.  It’s the other person.  You love this person more than you love yourself.  This means that you love this person as she or he is.  Acceptance.  We ask ourselves frankly what that impulse is that makes us want to redesign a person.  It isn’t love.  We want the other person to be normal - like us.  But is that loving the other person, or ourselves?

Love brings out the best in people.  They can be themselves without artificiality.  People who know they are loved glow with beauty and charm. Let this person talk, and listen when they do.  Create the assurance that any idea, any suggestion, any feeling can be expressed and will be respected.  Allow the other person to star once in a while.  A wife’s joke doesn’t have to be topped.  Don’t interrupt your husband in the middle of his story; it’s hard enough to get him talking.  Cultivate kind ways of speaking.  It can be as simple as asking them instead of telling them to do things.  Don’t take yourself too seriously. Married life is full of crazy mirrors in which to see ourselves.  How stubborn, how immature, how selfish we really are.  Maybe you always end up waiting for your wife to finish because you never lift a finger to help her.

Love is funny.  Its growth doesn’t depend on what someone does for you.  It’s in direct proportion to what you do for him or her. The country is swarming with people who have never learned this.  So are divorce courts.”

When you first begin to listen to that excerpt, you want to laugh, or at least I did, but then you realize that what it is saying is not only painfully true, but biblical.  The love that builds a lasting marriage is the unpopular version, the choice to love, not simply the emotion of love.  It is the love that expresses itself in actions designed to “honor” the other person; not simply because of feelings, in fact, quite often in spite of them.

A “Valentine” is simply a tangible expression of love.  Usually in written form, more significant and meaningful if handwritten, and often expressed by a symbol of that love, a gift such as flowers or chocolates.   A “Marriage Valentine” then, is a tangible expression of love between a married man and woman.  It may have many shapes and colors and designs, but they all convey the same message: “I love You.”

Our text today, though not specifically designed to be a text on marriage, brings out many of the characteristics necessary for us as husbands and wives to have in order to be the kind of person who will make that choice to love, and to do our part to make our marriages strong and healthy.  For those of you who are not in a marriage relationship, it talks of how you can more effectively love your Brothers and Sisters in the Lord, so you need to stay awake and listen too!  J

Galatians 5:13-15  “You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.  The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor (spouse) as yourself.”  If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.”

These verses sound like they could be the foundational statement for marriage counseling!  When people come to me for advice on marriage relationships, this would be a good place to turn!  Paul, in typical fashion, wastes no time, but gets to the heart of the matter.  (Pun intended! It’s a Valentines message, remember? J )  He reminds us that we are called to be free to choose to love our spouse, not our self.  Selfishness, self-centeredness, will destroy a marriage.  Or a Church, for that matter.

We are set free from the bondage of sin, not set free to indulge in it.  We should instead be in bondage to (that’s what the Greek word translated “serve” actually means), one another in the love Christ gives us to express. For those of us who are married, that “one another” is your spouse first of all, not simply your brothers and sisters in Christ, important as they are.  Lack of “other-centered love” expresses itself too, but it’s no Valentine.  Paul describes it as “biting and devouring each other.”  That’s not a pretty “relationship” picture, but unfortunately it’s all too common.

Paul tells us what the effect of “biting and devouring” one another is, whether it’s at home or in the church; it destroys relationships and your testimony.  It’s like the man said, no matter who wins the argument, you lose.  Paul then tells us how to use the freedom we are called to, how to serve, to love.

Verses 16-18  “So I say, live by the Spirit (keep on living-out your life under the authority, guidance and direction and in the power of the Holy Spirit), and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.  For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature.  They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.  But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.”

Every Christian has two natures, a sinful nature received at birth, inherited from fallen Adam, and a new nature received at the moment of salvation, when we became a participant in the divine nature through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit of God.  All of the intentions and actions that an individual has can be traced either to the Holy Spirit and His good influence or to man’s sinful nature and its bad influence.  There is a battle going on inside each of us.  In I Peter 2:11, Peter says “our sinful desires war against our soul,” but as Christians, we can choose to win through choosing to walk in the Spirit rather than in our sin nature.  This is a critical choice, not only for us as individuals, but especially as partners in Marriage and as parts of Christ’s body, the Church.  Paul shows us some detailed dangers of allowing our sinful nature to have its way:

Verses 19-21  “The acts (expressions) of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like.”

Isn’t it amazing how obvious the “acting out” of our sin nature is?  Yet Christians try desperately to rationalize and justify those very acts in their lives.   Sexual sin is one of the great destroyers of marriage, and the marriages that refuse to allow it to destroy them, it wounds deeply.  The so-called “lesser” sins also take their toll.  Discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissension, envy, drunkenness and the like destroy and wound marriages daily.  “Biting and devouring” is an apt description, isn’t it.  “I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”   I might add, they won’t enjoy a healthy marriage or Church life either!

The warning is for those who’s lives are characterized by the sinful actions and attitudes Paul just described.  They live like that.  He’s not talking about those who stumbled into sin, and have confessed it and repented from it.  There is no sin that cannot be forgiven if it is confessed and repented of.  I believe every marriage can be healed.  Every Christian can be restored.  But sin needs to be recognized, acknowledged, confessed and repented of. 

I John 1:8-9  “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify (cleanse) us from all unrighteousness.”

What an awesome promise, what amazing power to heal people and relationships.  Paul shows the difference between living like the devil, and living by the Spirit:

Verses 22-26  “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law.  Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires.  Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.  Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.”

When we choose to “live by the Spirit,” we will begin to exhibit spiritual fruit in our lives.  Valentines!  Tangible expressions of love, the love of Christ that shines out of a life led by the Spirit, no longer gratifying the desires of the crucified sinful nature.  That nature – with it’s passions and desires remember - is crucified, nailed to the cross, and has no power except that which we choose to give it.   That’s why he says that since we do live by the Spirit it’s important for us to march along with Him, keep in step, don’t break ranks.  If we do that, we won’t become conceited, provoking and envying each other, biting and devouring as it were!  We will live in Victory!

Next, Paul then tells us how to handle it when someone breaks rank, gets out of step with the Spirit and gets caught in a sin.  Chapter 6:1-5:  “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.  But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.”  This verse should probably be translated “caught by a sin” as the idea is that of someone being caught by surprise or unaware by a sin.

Matthew Henry says: “that is, be brought to sin by the surprise of temptation.  It is one thing to overtake a fault by contrivance and deliberation, and a full resolution in sin, and another thing to be overtaken in a fault.”  The emphasis is on what we do with those Christians who “fall out of step” with the Spirit and find themselves caught by sin.  Paul says those of us who are spiritual, who are walking by the Spirit, who are spiritually mature, should reach out and restore the one caught by the Enemy’s trap.  The word “restore” is the word used for setting a broken or dislocated bone or joint, or for repairing fishing nets or bringing two opposing factions together in agreement.  It implies healing, mending, restoring to its former good use. Paul gives a warning though, there is a danger here.  First, be conscious of the wounded soldiers condition, and restore gently.  In the battlefield of spiritual warfare, our wounded fellow soldiers need restoration, not more wounds.  Secondly, don’t let down your guard.  It is War.  You may take a hit while rescuing and helping your wounded comrade. Paul said: “But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.”  The danger may come from a different direction, or the same one that took out the one you are trying to help.  Don’t let down your guard.  He goes on:  “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”  Paul explains this in Romans 15:1-2  “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.  Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.”

The emphasis here is on moral burdens or weaknesses, not physical.  The serving Christian lends a helping hand to a struggling brother or sister. A wise husband or wife comes alongside their mate and helps work through the situation, helps carry the burden and strengthens the marriage. Spiritual or moral failure is a heavy load to try to bear alone.  Helping carry that burden is expressing love to one another, fulfilling the law of Christ.

The wisest man who ever lived told us in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:  “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”Often used at weddings, that third cord represents the Lord’s intimate part in the relationship.

Paul continues with another subtle warning.  Verses 3-5  “If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.  Each one should test his own actions.  Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.”

Spiritual maturity is not a badge of self-worth or bragging rights.  One commentator said that “something must be laid aside if a believer is to be a burden-bearer, and that is conceit, an attitude that breeds intolerance of error in others and causes one to think he is above failure.”  The remedy is found in that fourth verse, self- examination rather than comparing oneself to others.  The mention of carrying our own load, which by the way is a different word and different meaning than verse two; is a reminder that we will all answer to God for our own actions and attitudes. II Corinthians 5:10:  “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.”

Paul wraps it up in Verses 6-10:  “Anyone who receives instruction in the word must share all good things with his instructor. (That’s been a favorite verse of mine for a long time!  J) The following advice pertains to all of us and our relationships, marriage, church family or whatever:  “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked.  A man reaps what he sows. (This is known as the harvest principle, and it is a basic truth of life, whether you are a believer or not.) The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.”

It really is that simple, yet people are constantly surprised when the crop comes up.  Paul gives a final word of encouragement, especially important when our marriages are struggling: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” Gods timing is not ours.

We need to hang in there, not grow weary in doing what we know is good.  Some seed takes a long time to mature into a harvestable crop. Wounds take time to heal. Rebuilding trust is a slow process.  Waiting on God’s timing takes great patience at times.  But persistence does pay off.  Obedience to the law of Christ will bring reward.  Living obediently is it’s own reward. If you choose to live by the Spirit, to live to serve your spouse rather than trying to manipulate them to serve you, to walk in step with the spirit and produce a harvest of spiritual fruit in your life, you can avoid many of the traps of the Enemy of your marriage and you r life.  You can build a strong marriage and a strong Church, powerful weapons in the spiritual war that rages around us all.  A cord of three strands is not easily broken!   Give your spouse a tangible expression of your commitment and love this week.  Give a Marriage Valentine!  

In His grip,